A Guide to Getting Through Grief

As we all know, there is not one way to grieve. Not every person experiences it the same way, nor do they heal from it in the same way. The very idea of grief is surrounded by so many misconceptions, that it's hard to figure out what is normal and what's not. Many people have suggestions for how they deal/dealt with grief, but it's hard to figure out what works for you.

Happify Daily created an infographic that covers the basics of grief. They cover the myths such as "women suffer more in grief." They also talk about the early stages of grief, working through grief, and when grief is prolonged.

Take a look below or view the entire graphic HERE

The Man, The Myth & The Funeral Director: 5 Misconceptions

Article via

Let’s face it. Most jobs have their fair share of over-generalizations and stereotypes. All cops love their doughnuts. Firefighters spend their time responding to calls about a cat in a tree—that is, when they aren’t busy cooking chili. I’m sure we’ve all heard a few lawyer jokes, too.

Most jobs are portrayed through stereotypes so often, it becomes second-nature to think about them that way (no matter how inaccurate those stereotypes might be).

What about funeral directors? Let’s take a look at some common misconceptions about the profession.

1. Funeral directors = depressing Grim Reapers

Let’s start off with the most common misconception: Anyone willing to make a career revolving around death is morbidly obsessed with the dead right?
This is as unfair as accusing all police offers of pastry addiction. It has more to do with how we as a society, especially in America, view death. It is something of a taboo, and so it’s reflected in our ideas about funeral directors. Those who work with the dead get sucked into that mindset. That’s how we get that grim reaper image—that black suited, clammy handed, pale-man perception. Of course, this just isn’t true.

Funeral Directors are as normal as the rest of us, with perhaps a slightly grislier job than most. Their work is more noble than we tend to recognize. Their primary focus is on the family and helping them through one of the toughest points in their lives. They are caring and compassionate people.

2. Don’t they spend their day just surrounded by bodies?

Does a firefighter spend all his time just putting out fires? As mentioned, funeral directors focus first and foremost on the families they serve. They do everything in their power to provide some degree of comfort and peace as these families mourn their loved ones. Funeral directors also spend a great deal of their time in their communities, serving as trusted leaders and resources. Otherwise, they might spend some time on the same tedious tasks as everyone else: preparation, planning, and paperwork—and even less time still in hospitals, cemeteries, and morgues.

3. It’s all about the money

Most jobs share one universal trait: they allow someone to earn a living. If a sizable income was your goal, there are many other career paths that would be much less demanding. This isn’t a 9-5 gig. A death can occur at any time. This includes weekends and holidays. There is little flexibility for a funeral director on call. They have to drop everything to respond to a call, day or night. The work of a funeral director can be rewarding, but it can also be emotionally taxing and exhausting.

4. The profession is a boy’s club

In the past, many family-owned funeral homes would pass the business from father to son. Lately, however, there has been a surge of women entering the profession. The American Board of Funeral Service Education (ABSFE) reported that in 2015, 56 % of graduates from accredited programs were female. Two generations ago, the estimate was zero percent. As these women make their way into the industry, they can help shatter the perceptions of a once male-dominated industry.

5. Funeral directing is a recent thing

While a modern funeral might not resemble funerals of the past, death is nothing new. Humans have pretty much always practiced ceremonies to mourn their loved ones. Somebody has always been needed to help orchestrate such ceremonies. The job might not have looked the same 1,000 years ago, and it likely won’t look the same 1,000 years from now, but the job has always been (and will always be) profoundly meaningful and important.

It’s easy for people to fall into the trap and make unfair generalizations about funeral directors, but hopefully a little education and good information can aid in combatting these unfair stereotypes. The very nature of funeral directing—to help guide and assist families in a great time of need—is an inherently human thing. Funeral directors are emotionally invested and passionate about their profession.

Spookiest Cemeteries in the U.S.

The 2016 ICCFA Convention is in full swing in the great city of New Orleans! We thought we'd highlight some of the spookiest cemeteries in the United States, as Louisiana is home to the first 3 on the list by Fox News!

Article via

Whether it’s their iconic setting, notorious residents or stories of unsavory deaths, these cemeteries across America are sure to give you the heebie-jeebies.

• 1. A touch of voodoo

  
  

  Jan Dahlqvist
  With all the stories of voodoo that surround New Orleans, it’s no surprise that the Big Easy is home to one of the country’s creepiest graveyards. Visit the iconic above-ground graves at St. Louis Cemetery No. 1, which was established in 1789 and has what is said to be the most haunted tomb in the world – of a voodoo priestess, no less!

  Many visitors make the easy walk from the French Quarter to St. Louis Cemetery to perform a ritual at the tomb of voodoo legend Marie Laveau. The tradition involves performing a combination of steps, including marking three red X’s on the tomb, knocking on it and then leaving an offering for a request to be granted. What you’ll find there on any given day, according to the book “City of the Dead: A Journey Through St. Louis Cemetery #1” by Robert Florence, may range from a wedding cake couple encircled in coconut to a dead rat wearing Mardi Gras beads. Plenty of New Orleans tour companies will be happy to take you to this spot.

  This cemetery is a favorite of filmmakers, with movies and TV shows like “The Heist,” “Easy Rider” and “NCIS: New Orleans” all filming scenes there.

• 2. Vampire haunts

  
  

  New Orleans Convention and Visitor’s Center
  Also in New Orleans is Lafayette Cemetery No. 1, a favorite of former New Orleans resident Anne Rice, author of “The Vampire Chronicles.” The cemetery is the final resting place of more than 7000 souls, yet it spans only a city block.

  It was a favorite hangout of Rice’s character, the vampire Lestat, and it’s believed his tomb in the movie “Interview with the Vampire” was modeled after one on the cemetery grounds. Rice staged her own funeral at the cemetery, riding in a glass-enclosed coffin to promote her book “Memnoch the Devil,” and the tomb of her Mayfair Witches is based on several tombs there.

  Lafayette Cemetery is a popular location in movies, including “Double Jeopardy” and “Dracula 2000,” as well as several music videos.

• 3. Creepiness from colonial times

  
  

  Cane River National Heritage Area
  The oldest cemetery in Louisiana is American Cemetery in Natchitoches, which dates to 1737, though there are no surviving monuments prior to 1797. Historians believe the second French Colonial Fort St. Jean Baptiste was located on the site and that all of its residents were buried there. It fell into disrepair for a time, leaving many of the graves cracked and broken, but it’s still in use. Residents of Natchitoches can be buried there, just steps away from their colonial ancestors.

  Reports abound of hauntings in the cemetery, with stories of a man screaming at night and a woman hanging amid the trees. The cemetery was the site of a major scene in “Steel Magnolias.”
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Why January is the month you’re most likely to die: Factors like the chronic chill and genetics cause the year's highest death tolls

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What is it with deaths this January? Before we got halfway through the month, the world had lost a pantheon of cultural icons - musician David Bowie, actor Alan Rickman, and the DJ and Top Of The Pops presenter Ed ‘Stewpot’ Stewart.

These sad losses reflect a little known fact: that January is the peak time of the year for deaths. This is for a multitude of reasons - some quite straightforward, such as the cold weather, others more complex, such as our genes.

Quirks of the human psyche play a crucial part as well. January famously includes the ‘most depressing day of the year’ - the third Monday of the month - identified by Welsh psychologist Dr Cliff Arnall in 2005.

This was based on a formula said to weigh factors such as weather, debt, the time elapsed since Christmas and failed New Year’s resolutions. By applying a mathematical ‘sadness’ algorithm to these factors, yesterday was ‘Blue Monday’, as it’s come to be known.

Scientifically, this calculation may be bunkum, but the fact that so many are willing to believe it indicates the idea has strong emotional traction. Indeed, the Samaritans says that January is a peak time for calls from people feeling emotionally distressed and desperate.

Psychologists have a name for this potentially lethal post-festive plummet in morale: the ‘broken promise effect’.

People in low mood in the early winter hang on to the hope that Christmas and New Year will bring better things.

December sees a drop in the suicide rate, which experts call the ‘postponing effect’; the rate ‘rebounds’ in January, with an above average rise.

Another factor may be that people who are seriously ill often hang on to life at Christmas and New Year, for a final chance to see loved ones and enjoy the emotional warmth of the season.

Indeed, a study in 1973 by sociologists at the State University of New York found a similar peak in survival rates around people’s birthdays.

It also reported that seriously ill Jewish people may ‘postpone’ their deaths until after important religious dates such as Yom Kippur - the Day of Atonement.The report, published in the American Social Review, examined the death dates of more than 1,300 people. 

The cold weather, too, is an obvious factor - and last year proved to be particularly grim. In January 2015, the death rate peaked at more than 30 per cent above the average for that month over the previous ten years.

More than 12,500 more people passed away in those four weeks than usual. Public Health England (PHE) put it down to the weather, with the ‘statistically significant excess’ in deaths coinciding, it said, with serious cold snaps.

The sad fact is that Britain is comparatively very poor at protecting itself against the killer chill. 

Figures from the Office for National Statistics (ONS) reveal countries in Scandinavia and northern Europe that endure bitterly cold winters have lower excess winter mortality than Britain.

A 2013 ONS report noted that people in those countries take better precautions against the cold, and their homes are better insulated. 

Perhaps surprisingly, flu is not the great January killer. Most of the deaths are linked to respiratory and circulatory diseases brought on by the body being severely stressed by chronic chill.

As Tim Ellis, chief executive of the National Records of Scotland, explains: ‘Very few [of the additional deaths in winter] are caused by hypothermia and only a small proportion by influenza.

‘Most are from respiratory and circulatory diseases, such as pneumonia, coronary heart disease and stroke.’

There are also genetic reasons for such deaths.

In cold weather, our immune systems rev up to resist the bugs that thrive when people huddle together in stuffy rooms, shops, trains and buses. When our immune systems are highly active, they are also more likely to go awry.

But inflammation can be lethal. Chronic inflammation causes damage throughout the body and plays a significant role in heart disease, type 1 diabetes and arthritis.Our immune genes control our immune cells and trigger inflammation - the body’s way of fighting off infection by releasing chemicals that cause swelling as a defence against invaders.

‘We see a rise in new cases of type 1 diabetes in January,’ says John Todd, a professor of medical genetics at Cambridge University who studies seasonal gene changes. ‘Heart disease is also much worse in the winter months.’

Figures from the British Heart Foundation prove that there are significantly more deaths from coronary heart disease during January. Further- more, a 2012 study by Harvard university shows that levels of bad cholesterol and triglycerides (fats in the blood linked to heart disease) peak in January, and are lowest in summer.

The reason for this is not yet clear.

Once we have made it through January, though, we can all look forward to the happy months of July, August and September.

Across Britain, these have the lowest death rates, according to ONS figures between 1959 and 2012.

After that, the death rate begins to rise again in October, then begins a steep ascent to its winter heights at the start of November.

It seems that the English novelist Anthony Trollope had it right back in 1858, when he wrote in his novel, Dr Thorne: ‘Let no man boast himself that he has got through the perils of winter till at least the seventh of May.’

In the meantime, enjoy the rest of January. If you can.