How This Woman Went From Socialite to Funeral Planner

At 21 years old, Elizabeth Meyer was living the life, partying at the hottest Manhattan clubs and flying to Europe on the weekends. But when she was a junior in college, her father suddenly passed away, leaving her not only grieving his death but also unsure about what to do next. Bored with traditional funeral services, Meyer jumped into what she knew well — party planning — and threw a large celebration of her father's life, including Rolling Stones music and thousands of dollars' worth of her mother's favorite flowers.

A year later, Meyer went back to that same funeral home and asked for a job. She ended up working there for three years, and in her new memoir, Good Mourning, she offers a behind-the-scenes look into one of the most legendary funeral homes in the country. Meyer talked to Cosmopolitan.com about why she chose this unexpected career path, the pressures of planning high-end funerals, and how her work completely changed her outlook on life.

Many people experience death and have different methods of coping. But what you did was a really unique response to grief. Why take it this far? I was told in high school that you only fear that what you don't know. After my father passed away, I realized that I didn't know death, and the only way to be comfortable with it was to immerse myself in it. So I took the job in the funeral home. Death is such a taboo topic. I realized if I could open doors to the funeral industry, perhaps more people would become comfortable with death and start a real conversation about grieving.

You joined the funeral home a year after your father's death. Why the wait? I made the move after I graduated from NYU so going to work before then wasn't an option. I think a lot of people were under the impression this decision was just out of grief. They feared that I'd become morbid and that I was trying to stay with death rather than move away from it. I attempted to go back to all the things I loved before my dad passed away. I tried to go back to public relations, nonprofit work, and I just didn't feel complete in any of those jobs.  

Your mother asked you repeatedly why you were doing this. Was there a part of you was rebelling? Sure. In retrospect, perhaps that was the case, but that was certainly not the main reason. I was rebelling, but it wasn't just as a daughter rebelling against her mother; it was that I had a gut feeling that I had to be there. I wish she could have understood then, but I realize now that she had the best intentions for me. She thought I had so many opportunities that I should take advantage of instead. But now it's a completely different conversation. When my mother realized that I wasn't going to lose my smile and that I was really helping people, she accepted it. 

 What was your day-to-day at the funeral home like? It's a business, like any other. Your day starts off with a cup of coffee, obviously. You go about your day seeing what funerals are scheduled, what wakes are happening that night, how late people will be in the building, who is going to be there. You make sure the carpets are clean, that the mints are in their trays. And then at the drop of a dime, you can have a funeral come in and your day completely changes. A big part for me was learning to adapt. I love to prepare for things and I love schedules. But funerals happen 24/7 and plans change. Everything has to be perfect. The family in the funeral home has to be taken care of, the limos have to arrive on time, and the pallbearers are there. It's event planning. And what I think may surprise lots of people is that it's just like any other job. There just happens to be dead bodies everywhere.

You wore $600 Gucci heels on your first day only to have them ruined by corpse fluid. How did your wardrobe change during your time at the funeral home? There is a dirty aspect to this job. For one, I had no idea that bodies leaked. I've learned to live in Aerosoles — I could become the spokesperson for Aerosoles if they'd hire me! I also didn't realize how much manual labor I would be doing. I learned not to wear skirts because you're constantly bending over and lifting things. Suddenly my wardrobe became all black suits. And I had to do lots of dry cleaning. A big flower in the funeral industry is the stargazer lily and that orange pollen will get all over you and your clothes.  

Was there ever a moment you regretted your decision to work in the funeral industry? I never regretted my decision. No matter what came about, it was an honor and thrill to be there. I will say though, every "first" came with a bit of throwup in the back of your mouth. I didn't necessary have the stomach for it. There were a lot of moments of "Is this really what I'm doing?" I hated giving up being with my friends and family on the weekends. That wasn't something I was prepared for, and I think that's something that's quite common for many people out of college. There's this shock factor of "Wait a second, I'm an adult!" All of a sudden, you have a lot of responsibilities that don't involve enjoying the weekend.  

What kind of pressure goes into planning funerals for the rich and famous? This kind of clientele is a group of people who are used to having things done the way they want them done. Rarely are they in a position where they don't know what they want. And that was really interesting to me, to see people who were always on the top of their game suddenly not knowing the answers to their own questions. And I would also say things are on a much bigger scale than the average funeral. New York City is not a small town where you can throw a funeral the next day easily and have everyone attend. It's a matter of organizing people around the world, and that's a challenge. I grew up with people who are used to having things done really well, so you really want to make sure, no matter how particular they are, you meet their expectations.  

What do most people not know about planning funerals? That you can plan them in advance! If I can get one message out, it's that it's really important to realize this. Just because you plan your own funeral doesn't mean you're going to drop dead the next day. You can help your family out so much if you give them an idea of what you want. Write things down. It alleviates the burden on them so they can just grieve and not question their decisions they made like I do with my dad.

In your book you share stories of some of your experiences at the funeral home: Two women found out their deceased husband was living a double life. A famous corpse arrived without a brain. You almost lost a UN ambassador's body in airport security. At a certain point do you get used to this sort of thing? You never get used to these things. You get used to the fact that you're only there to make the bad better. It's challenge that you get excited about, and you get used to saying, "What's next?" I think it's like any other industry.  

You went from being a socialite to a funeral planner. How did this dramatic career shift change you as a person? Do you think your values have changed? I've changed so much. I look at the old me and wonder who that person was sometimes. As cliché as it is, I absolutely cherish every day. I appreciate all relationships, friendships, and family so much more. You realize every day could be the end. I used to be standoffish with emotions, and I was that person people always talked about as "the queen of repression." Now I run around and tell everyone how much I appreciate them. I accept my emotions. I travel to see the world. I don't put things off. I have a newfound respect for people who do what their heart tells them to.  

You left the funeral home three years ago. What ultimately made you leave? Do you miss it? Every day I miss working in a funeral home. I miss helping families. I actually left to get my MBA because I'm interested in helping families beyond the Upper East Side. I've started my own consulting business. I think everyone deserves a wonderful funeral regardless of your socioeconomic background. I want to make sure that everyone can have a celebration of their loved one's life and be able to afford it.

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Just how easy is it to digitally fake a death?

Killing someone is easier than you might think, or at least getting them legally declared dead might be.

With just a few easy steps, most of them online, a bad guy could "kill off" someone for fun — or profit, according to one researcher.

"The process is quite lax in terms of security in the U.S." says Chris Rock — an Australian hacker, not the comedian — who has been studying security flaws in what he calls "the death industry" for the past year.

Rock said his curiosity was piqued when an Australian hospital accidentally sent out 200 death notices instead of 200 discharge notices last year. "Since then, I've found out that nearly all Western countries have moved to online systems," he said.

In the United States, most states use electronic death registration (EDR) systems to help certify that someone has died. For someone to be declared dead, a medical professional needs to fill out a form affirming the cause of death and a funeral director must fill out another explaining what happened to their remains.

"Universal implementation of EDR has the potential to virtually eliminate death-reporting errors and would ensure that our death records — whether pertaining to current beneficiaries or other persons — include the most accurate and most current information," Social Security Administration spokesman William Jarrett told The Washington Post. The agency has been advocating for a switch to such systems since 2002, he said.

Electronic systems are much faster than the traditional manual certification processes and are "highly accurate" because state officials verify the names and Social Security numbers of a deceased person against the government records before a death certificate is issued, according to Jarrett.

But Rock worries people may be able to fake their way into the EDR systems by hijacking the identities of people normally involved in submitting the death-certificate applications. In some cases, there appears to be nothing stopping someone from finding a doctor's name, medical practice and license number online. Rock's concern is that someone could take the legitimate information about medical professionals and combine it with contact information like a burner phone and an anonymous e-mail address to submit fraudulent applications for access to the systems.

There appear to be similarly weak checks on the sign-up process for funeral directors, he said.

But states run their EDR systems themselves, so there is a lot of variation from state to state and it is difficult to test their security without potentially breaking the law, Rock acknowledged, so it's hard to say just how real the threat from that kind of fraud might be.

Idaho verifies license numbers and will ask for a copy of the license if something about the application raises additional concerns, said Idaho Department of Health & Welfare public information officer Niki Forbing-Orr. The agency's staff also looks into the contact information and may take additional measures if there are questions about an application, she said.

But Idaho has an advantage: The state's small population means the agency's staff basically knows everyone who is involved in the process, she said.

But the process may be less personal in larger states. Washington's system verifies an applicant's name and license status, but not their contact information, according to Jean Remsbecker, a vital records manager with the state's Department of Health. "I'm not sure we have access to that information," she said.

But if Rock is right, the risks for victims of a digitally faked death may be severe. With a death certificate in hand, a person could potentially collect life insurance on someone who is still alive or get control over a person's financial accounts if they take the extra step of faking them a will, according to Rock. It may also create problems for the still living when it comes to collect things like Social Security benefits, he said.

Plus, it's actually pretty hard to "come back to life" after being declared legally dead — and people may not necessarily know if the government thinks they're dead until it's too late.

Take the example of Donald E. Miller, an Ohio man who was declared legally dead in 1994 — years after disappearing on his family. He showed up alive around a decade later and went to court to try to get the decision reversed in 2013. But the judge ruled he was still legally dead because the legally deceased only have three years to contest the decision under Ohio law.

However, it's not clear anyone's actually doing this right now — although Rock figures if he can think it up, someone else probably already has.

But digitally faking a death may just be the start. Rock claims there are similar issues in the way births are registered in the U.S. and elsewhere — leaving open the possibility that someone could essentially "harvest" identities by making up fake babies.

"I call them shell babies," he said. "You could use them to hide your identity, to get a new Social Security number, for money laundering — or kill it off for life insurance."

Rock has a new book exploring the topic, called the "Baby Harvest," and gave a talk about the issue at DEF CON, a recent hacker conference held in Las Vegas.

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8 OF THE WORLD'S STRANGEST BURIAL SPOTS

(Photo: jojo nicdao/Flickr)

Death could take you at any time, so it is always a good idea to have some instructions in place for how you would like to be buried. But why settle for a boring underground burial when you could have your body stored for its eternal rest in all sorts of interesting places? In fact, all over the world, people have been burying the dead in unexpected locales. To help inspire you, here are eight weird places around the world where people have been interred.

1. BETWEEN THE TABLES OF A RESTAURANT

(Photo: ynaija.com) India's New Lucky Restaurant brings new meaning to a place people are dying to eat at. Owner Krishnan Kutti had already purchased the land where his eatery was to be built when he discovered that it was in fact a cemetery. Undeterred, Kutti leaned into the problem and simply built his restaurant around the graves and headstones, making them a selling point for his unique establishment. The green sarcophagi can be seen resting in the floor behind a small white fence. Diners don't seem to mind the graves, which seem to drive sales as much as it might drive them away.

2. IN A TREE

(Photo: Matt Paish/Flickr) 

The Toraja people of Indonesia are known for their elaborate and involved funeral rites which often include mummy parades and graves built into the side of a cliff, but one of the stranger aspects of their traditions are the grave of children and babies. When tragedy takes the life of a young child, the Toraja often inter the little body in a tree hollow, building a crude wooden door over the burial site. It is a sad thing to be sure, but it also ends up creating some evocative imagery, and ultimately a grave to remember.

3. UNDER A LITTLE HOUSE

(Photo: Raymond Bucko, SJ/Flickr)

At the intersection of Russian Orthodox religious tradition and Native Alaskan funeral rites, are the Burial Spirit Houses standing outside of St. Nicholas Orthodox Church in Eklutna, Alaska. According to tradition, when someone dies their body is buried and a blanket is placed over the grave. After the blanket has been there for a while, a little wooden house, about the size of large dollhouse, is placed over the grave, and is painted in the family colors. Unlike more traditional burial sites, the little houses are not kept up or restored, and are simply allowed to disintegrate back into the ground. In fact this decay is part of the tradition.

4. HANGING FROM A CLIFF

(Photo: Rick McCharles/Flickr)

 The people of the Sagada region of the Philippines aren't afraid to show off their dead. In fact they are known for their tradition of hanging exposed coffins from a cliffside. In a practice that dates back thousands of years, the Sagada carve their own coffins before they die (or a family member does it for them), and then they are hoisted up to literally hang around with their ancestors. Many of their hanging coffins are hundreds of years old, and they all have a unique look and feel since they were made by the person inside of them. It almost looks like a cross-section of a traditional in-ground cemetery.

The Funeral You Never Want To Plan, Creating A Positive Healing Experience From Tragedy

I’ve worked in the funeral profession for many years. But it wasn’t until recently that I truly internalized what it takes to create an amazing celebration of life… And I’ve got to hand it to you, it’s no easy task. No, it’s not about the products, the religion, the flowers or the burial. It’s about creating a complete experience that truly reflects the life lived and provides healing for everyone involved.

The Funeral You Never Want To Plan 

A couple of weeks ago, I received a phone call from our office manager that left me in complete shock. A close friend of the funeralOne family experienced a tragic loss – two of her children (aged 25 and 15) passed away in a motorcycle accident. I immediately reached out to offer help via text (assuming there was no way she’d want to take a phone call at this very moment). But, to my surprise, she called me immediately, her voice full of a sadness and filled with a grief that many of us have never had to face. She was upset, confused and desperate for help. So obviously, the funeralOne team stepped in to help coordinate and plan the funeral, and do whatever else we could to help this family during their time of need. Now, as I’m sure most of you reading know, it’s one thing to talk about the value of funeral products and services from a business standpoint, and another thing to talk about it with someone who has just endured the most tragic day of their life. And then have to plan an event that could somehow do justice to the amazing lives that were lost on top of that? To be honest, the task left some of us jittered and scrambling – “What can we do to make this funeral truly amazing? How can we enhance the service?”

Creating A Positive Healing Experience From Tragedy 

Once we thought back to our roots, we were able to create the funeral service that the family not only wanted, but needed. We planned an event that delivered the ultimate healing experience to those honoring their loved ones. And we learned a few things about what means the most when it comes to planning a funeral that focuses on healing and remembrance…

 1. Get to know the person inside and out. 

We all know that planning a funeral is an extremely time sensitive process. By the time a family reaches out to you, they are ready to move the funeral service forward, and may not have a lot of time to talk about how they can make the process more personal through sharing memories and stories. But don’t let this fast timeline rush what you do best – honoring the live lived and helping the family heal. Talking about a person’s life and sharing stories and memories about them is what truly helps a family begin the healing process. In fact, for many families, it’s not until they sit down at the funeral home and start speaking about their loved one that they truly get to live in the moment and face what has happened. This is typically the moment that kicks off the journey of healing, so don’t rush through it. We spent a large part of our first few days with this family sitting down, listening to stories, and getting to know the deceased as much as we could. We learned about their hobbies, their favorite quotes, their interests, the things that mattered most to them. And it wasn’t until we had collected all of this information that we felt like we had a full picture of their life and could begin planning the funeral service.

2. Work personalized details in wherever you can. 

Families don’t like to feel like they have had the same experience as everyone else… they want a personalized event that feels like it was created for them. After all, nothing is worse than feeling like the service that was put together for their loved one was just a cookie-cutter, fill-in-the-blank plan that the funeral director put together years before they even walked through the door. Therefore, make sure that every single aspect of the service – from the flowers at the front door, to the music that plays – is personalized to the life they are celebrating. These small details make all the difference when it comes to making the family feel comfortable in your funeral home, and making their loved one the focus of the day. When planning this particular funeral service, we took everything we learned while getting to know the loved ones, and we turned it into personalized elements for the service. For instance, we created large art-style silhouettes of the deceased that featured their favorite quotes (below), and hung them up at the funeral. Not only did these custom pieces of art make the funeral home feel more personal to the family, but they were also great for bringing up memories and stories from those in attendance.

3. Create an interactive experience. 

One thing that we often hear from families and friends that have attended visitations in the past is that they are really never sure what to do while they are there. They give their condolences to the family, and then they walk around awkwardly until they feel enough acceptable time has passed and they can leave. But this is the last thing you want guests to feel at your funeral home. Instead, you should create an environment that encourages sharing stories with others in attendance, and creates opportunities for people to learn new things that they never knew about their loved one. We wanted to make sure that guests at this funeral not only felt comfortable while they were at the visitation, but could also contribute to the funeral in some way. Therefore, we created custom portraits of the deceased that family and friends could sign and leave messages on. We also brought the signed photos to the church and had them displayed next to the casket, to further add an element of personalization to the setting during the church service. People were able to leave amazing memories and stories, while also feeling like they added something to the funeral service. Plus, once the service was over, these became great keepsakes for the immediate family to take home as a remembrance of their loved ones.

 4. Incorporate friends and family into the service. 

When most at-need families get asked to bring in photos for an upcoming funeral service, they will typically only bring in photos of the deceased. And while a few beautiful photos of their loved one can help to add an air of personalization to the room, the true healing begins when you have photos that tell stories. And, often times, those are the photos that feature family and friends alongside their loved one. When you have just a plain photo of someone, you will often hear the same responses from the people looking at it: “She was so beautiful!” or “He looked just like Grandpa!” But when you have a photo of a major life event, or a photo that features the deceased alongside friends and family, you suddenly have more of a story to tell. The people at the funeral will be able to point to the photo and say, “Right before this photo was taken, the funniest thing just happened!” or “I will never forget this day. It was at John’s birthday!” Suddenly, a simple photo becomes a story, and another way to honor and celebrate a person’s life. At the funeral we planned a few weeks ago, we chose to collect as many photos as we could of the deceased with family and friends, and create a memorial tribute video out of them. We then played the video at the funeral service, and suddenly a few photos became a moving tribute of the loved one’s lives. Family and friends were able to see themselves on the screen, and bring back a particular story and memory that they might not have otherwise thought to share.  

What do you think is the key to creating the ultimate healing experience for your families? Are there certain service elements that you have found are more powerful than others? We want to hear about it in the comments below! 

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8 Facts On Baby Boomers That Could (And Should) Change Your Funeral Business

Article by Rochelle Rietow, funeralOne Blog A great American novel once said “you’ll never really understand a person until you consider his point of view… until you climb into his skin and walk around in it.” And this couldn’t be anymore true for marketing your funeral home, too. If you take a walk in a Baby Boomer’s shoes, there’s a lot of small details you might notice about how they think, purchase, communicate, and perceive your marketing. And today, we’re going to do just that. We’re jumping into a Baby Boomer’s point of view and looking at 8 facts that you need to know in order to effectively communicate with them, and get those shoes walking through your front door.

Fact #1:  In less than five years, 50 percent of the U.S. population will be over the age of 50

We knew the Baby Boomers were coming, but did you know how many of them you should be expecting? Yeah… try half of the population. Oh, and did we mention that they’ll control 70 percent of the nation’s disposable income within the next five years? Think about the kind of opportunities you’re dealing with here. All the statistics are telling us that funeral service is on the decline, but if we, as a profession, play our cards right and learn to adapt to the needs of the Baby Boomers, things could change around here. There is a world of opportunity coming our way, we just have to be ready to welcome them. (Source: Nielsen)

Fact #2: The Baby Boomers are the “Me” generation

The most obviously true fact here is also the most important one. With a generation who grew up in the world of the Beatles, psychedelics and the Vietnam War, “self-fulfillment” and “self-realization” are huge themes deeply rooted in their psyche. And just like you’ve been reading on the news and seeing at your funeral home over the last few years, they want their funerals to be an event that is all about them. And we don’t mean that in a selfish way either. In an article we published last year, we found that Baby Boomer’s wanted their funerals to be their “crowning performance” to a life well lived. That means they want to be the star, but also the director, the DJ and the stylist, and heck, some Baby Boomers are even introducing props into their funerals (think Star Wars, kitchen-scenes and bowling alleys). The bottom line? Your Boomer families are going to want a lot more than the average funeral, and if you haven’t drilled that into your head just yet, it’s time to! (Source: Gallup poll)

Fact #3: Baby Boomers who were born between 1946-1955 are spending more money on things they want, rather than things theyneed

This sounds like great news for anyone whose target audience is Baby Boomers, but there’s one question to ask: is a funeral something that Baby Boomers want, or need? If you’re trying to sell them on a casket, cremation options or the typical doom-and-gloom funeral package, this is probably going to be seen as a “need” rather than a “want.” But, if you sell your Baby Boomers on the “dream” – that is, a meaningful way to celebrate their life – their tune might change a bit. So rather than focusing on the nitty gritty details of burial options, focus on the dream. Get them to imagine the final event of their life, the event that will leave their legacy with their loved ones. (Source: Emerald Insight)

Fact #4: 80% of purchase decisions among Baby Boomers are driven by practical reasons

Baby Boomers, in general, are a pretty practical generation, so their spending habits are pretty practical, too. This means that they’re looking for cold hard facts – or value-driven statements – to get them to choose your funeral home’s services. It all starts with finding out how your services add value to your beloved Boomers, then finding ways to effectively communicate it to them. We came up with a pretty solid 5-step process for showing your value to families in the article Value Vs. Price: What’s More Important to Your Families?, so be sure to check it out so you know what your Boomers want to hear when they ask you about your offerings. (Source: Factbrowser).

Fact #5: Boomers represent one-third of all social media users

These days, it seems like everyone’s mother, brother, grandmother, and even great grandmother is on Facebook. So it should come with no surprise that Baby Boomers are spending a great deal of time on social media websites, too. They aren’t always the early adapters to new social-driven technologies, but once these technologies, networks and products go mainstream, Boomers are the ones who really drive a lot of them. So if your business is geared more and more towards online users, plan on Baby Boomers catching on and driving the success of your online business. (Source: Nielsen)

Fact #6: 89% of people aged 65 and up have a personal e-mail account that they use regularly

Since email is such a widely used medium among Baby Boomers, why not find ways to integrate this helpful medium into your marketing strategy? Now, we’re not talking about spamming them with your sales material each day, but you could send them emails about personalized ways they can celebrate their life, community events you’re hosting, or a blog article you recently wrote. The goal is to establish a connection with them online so that they trust you. Because in reality, who buys anything from someone they don’t trust? (Source: Pew.)

Fact #7: On average, Baby Boomers spend 174 hours a month watching television

While online marketing and advertising is certainly the way of the future, it is true that Baby Boomers still watch more TV than any other generation… except the Traditionalists (65+) who log 205 hours a month watching the tube. Why? Because the Boomer generation simply doesn’t have time (and they really don’t want to) sit down and read an in-depth, long, complicated article that requires them to scan around for the information they are looking for. Instead, they want it to be handed to them, in an easy-to-digest format. This is why many Boomers would rather watch a video that educates them about their products, rather than read a long chunk of website text about it. And this is why you, as a funeral professional, should be hosting educational videos on your website that explain your services.

Fact #8: One-third of Baby Boomers shop online and the 50+ segment spends almost $7 billion digitally

Why do Baby Boomers go online? Mostly to enrich their lives, and that means online shopping is something they’re not shy about when it comes to spending their hard earned dollars. Does your funeral home have an online store? Maybe a sympathy store that offers flowers and gifts? If so, don’t be shy about telling your families about it. Chances are it will make their lives a lot easier because it’s an added convenience. Plus, it’s another source of revenue for you. The best of both worlds! (Source: Nielsen)

Now what?

Well, my friends, comes the fun part.  It’s time to take this helpful information and apply it to everything from your marketing to your services. Particularly when it comes to bringing your funeral home into the digital age through online shopping and educational websites. Because, let’s face it, if your families aren’t finding value and education in your services through your funeral home website, they’re going to go to your one of your competitors that does give them this information. After all, if there’s one thing we learned over the years, the funeral profession is sort of like the survival of the fittest. If you’re not adapting to this new world of consumers we live in, what’s the point?

To learn more about how your funeral home can turn these Baby Boomer facts into educational, powerful assets that bring families to you, check out f1Connect today. With educational videos, powerful pre-planning resources, and an e-commerce store that links your families to beautiful sympathy gifts (all without leaving your website), f1Connect is the powerful online solution you have been looking for.

How have you most successfully connected with your Baby Boomer families – both online and off? Tell us about it in the comments below!

Funeral Homes Increasingly Using Dogs to Comfort Mourners

Here at Security National, we love our pets! In fact, we know that family is one of the most important things in life. We also understand that for many of us, pets are also a part of the family. That’s why when you purchase a pre-arranged funeral plan through Security National Life, we include the Family and Pet Protection Plan! This supplemental benefit is free of charge and covers all of your children, grandchildren, great-grandchildren right down to your extended family — your pet. This benefit will help protect your family from the financial burdens that can occur when a member of your family dies. So of course this article was one we wanted to pass along and share!

 

Lulu, a goldendoodle who works as a therapy dog, lolls on the lawn outside the Ballard-Durand funeral home in White Plains, N.Y., on Thursday, June 4, 2015. Funeral homes are increasingly using dogs to comfort mourners. Funeral directors say the dogs, usually trained therapy animals, can lighten the often awkward, tense atmosphere at a wake or funeral service. 

Sandy Del Duca was mourning the death of her father when Lulu, a curly haired goldendoodle, came bounding down the stairs at the Ballard-Durand funeral home.

Del Duca thought Lulu was simply the pet of funeral home owner Matthew Fiorillo, whom she was meeting to make arrangements. But the dog also works there — one of an increasing number of dogs being offered by American funeral homes to comfort mourners.

It didn’t take long for Del Duca to be won over.

“That dog looked into my eyes and I was done,” Del Duca said. “She seemed to know just what I needed. A funeral is a funeral, it’s not a great thing. But that dog gave the service a family atmosphere and made it more of a celebration.”

Funeral directors say dogs, especially trained therapy animals, can lighten the often awkward, tense atmosphere at a wake or funeral service, and sometimes seem to know exactly who needs their help.

Whenever a dog joins a group of mourners, “the atmosphere changes,” said Mark Krause, owner and president of Krause Funeral Home and Cremation Service in Milwaukee. “In a funeral home, people are typically on edge, uncomfortable. But everyone lights up, everyone has to greet the dog.”

Krause bought Oliver, a Portuguese water dog, in 2001 to be a family pet. But his wife had Oliver trained to be a therapy dog and he made the usual therapy-dog visits: schools, nursing homes, hospitals.

“Then my wife said, ‘Why can’t he do this in the funeral home?’ and in the 10-plus years we had him, he probably touched a couple thousand families,” Krause said. Oliver seemed to “sense grief and who needed him.”

In one case, a boy about 7 years old had lost his 3-year-old sister and had stopped talking, even to his parents.

“The minute the dog came in, the boy started talking to him about his sister,” Krause said. “This little boy tells the dog, ‘I don’t know why everyone’s so upset, my sister said she’s fine where she is.'”

“I don’t suppose Oliver understood, but he looked at the boy as if he did,” Krause added.

Oliver died in 2011 — his funeral was attended by 150 people and many of their pets — and has been succeeded by another Portuguese water dog, Benny.

When Oliver started, a dog in a funeral home was a rare sight. Statistics aren’t kept, but Jessica Koth, spokeswoman for the National Funeral Directors Association, said, “We hear from members that more and more of them are bringing animals into funeral homes, be it a dog or a cat, whether it’s a certified therapy dog or just an extremely well-behaved family pet.”

Some of the funeral directors are dubious about cats, however.

“Dogs are the only creature that love you more than they love themselves,” Krause said. “Cats tend to lurk. They could surprise people.”

Added Fiorillo, “I’ve never seen a gregarious cat.”

Gayle Armes, owner of the Armes-Hunt funeral homes in Fairmount and Marion, Indiana, says his dog Judd, a golden retriever, serves a vital function by giving mourners “something else to focus on.”

“The ones who need it, they tend to go over to him, maybe kneel and love on him and he loves on them,” Armes said.

At Merkel Funeral Service, based in Monroe, Michigan, outreach coordinator Renee Mullendore said the owner’s cockapoo, Lola, “can pick out who needs attention” and sometimes tries to sit on their laps.

In White Plains, 1-year-old Lulu has been on duty since last month. She lives with Fiorillo and her devotion to him is evident as she follows his every step and command. Lulu even “prays” when prompted, bowing her head between her front paws while perched on a kneeler.

Fiorillo said he first thought about using a dog in the business when he saw how a tiny Maltese being carried through an airport helped distract and calm passengers as flights were being canceled and delayed.

“My purpose was to take a tense, uncomfortable situation and ease the tension a little bit,” he said.

He bought Lulu as a newborn and had her trained for almost a year for a total cost of about $5,000. She wears a blue and white vest that says “Therapy Dog” on one side and “Pet me, I’m friendly” on the other.

When mourners come to the stately funeral home to make arrangements, Fiorillo asks if they’d like to meet Lulu and tells them she’s available — no extra charge — for any wake or funeral. Almost all have accepted.

“It’s not like she’s running around during the wake,” he said. “If Lulu’s getting too much attention, then I might say she’s tired and pull her back.”

Lulu has her own business cards and “sends” thank-you notes to children she’s befriended.

“If something were to happen to me,” Fiorillo said, “I would want Lulu to be there for sure.”

 ARTICLE VIA.

22 Of The Most Powerful Death & Dying Quotes Ever Written

Since the beginning of time, people have been expressing their thoughts on death in many, many ways. In fact, these ideas, discussions and philosophies surrounding death have been the origin of many great works of art. In my opinion, some of the most powerful words about death exist in quotes. So, I’ve rounded up some of my favorite quotes on death and dying – they come from some of the greatest inventors, philosophers, psychologists, and yogis from all over the world. Read them and become enlightened from some of the most beautiful, meaningful words anyone has ever used to describe the world’s greatest mystery… death.

 

#2. “Nothing can happen more beautiful than death.” – Walt Whitman #3. “If death meant just leaving the stage long enough to change costume and come back as a new character… Would you slow down? Or speed up?” – Chuck Palahniuk #5. “Death is the dropping of the flower that the fruit may swell.” – Henry Ward Beecher

 

#6. “I shall not wholly die, and a great part of me will escape the grave.” – Horace #7. “No one wants to die. Even people who want to go to heaven don’t want to die to get there. And yet, death is the destination we all share. No one has ever escaped it, and that is how it should be, because death is very likely the single best invention of life. It’s life’s change agent. It clears out the old to make way for the new.” – Steve Jobs #8. “Even death is not to be feared by one who has lived wisely.” – Buddha