“I was supposed to live to be 102 and
be shot by a jealous husband,” one man’s tombstone reads. Another’s
says, “Here lies an atheist. All dressed up and no place to go.” And a
psychic’s reads, “I knew this would happen.”
It’s not disrespectful to be
creative, even funny, when dealing with end of life matters. In fact,
it’s likely to help cope with the grief.
Obituaries don’t have to be dry or
formulaic. “After 96 years of laughing, loving, shouting, learning,
teaching and building, Henry passed away,” began one in the January 31st
issue of The New York Times.
The writer described the deceased the way a good author constructs a
character – showing, rather than telling. It went on to say, “Although
he over salted everything, he managed to live to 96.” In these simply,
short lines, we truly got to know Henry and understand why he will be
missed.
That’s what a funeral service should truly do – tell the amazing, personal, detailed story of a person’s life.
This means both the good, the bad, the funny and the sad moments. And
sometimes, it means that you have to go out of the box to truly honor
the life lived.
Focus On Moments That Will Kickstart The Healing
A 68 year-old woman was grappling
with what was to say at her mother’s funeral. Their relationship had
been strained until the last few months, when the 92 year-old matriarch
finally gave her daughter the approval and love she’d craved.
When it came time to prepare her mother’s eulogy,
she thought back on their relationship and she knew what she would most
like to hear to help her heal and move forward… she didn’t sugarcoat
her mother’s memory. “I will be grieving the mother I had these last few
months,” she told the small gathering, “and I learned that it’s never
too late to make things better. I intend to use my remaining years to do
that with my own children.”
Their eyes filling with tears, her
two daughters stepped forward and linked their arms through hers,
remaining that way while the 23rd Psalm was recited. Instead of simply
paying tribute to the dead, the eulogy served to communicate with the
living and launch a healing process. Reminded by death that time is
finite, we may be inspired to forgive and ask for forgiveness.
When It Comes To Memories, Show, Don’t Tell
Funerals, wakes and memorial services
should be more than just a series of speeches. Photos, videos, music,
activities, and personalized products can all make a service distinctive. Here are a few out of the box ways to make a funeral as unique as the life lived:
1. Share the loved one’s prized possessions
Are your families often concerned
that they will be too choked up to speak? If so, suggest that they begin
the service with the favorite song of their loved one. For example, a
family who lost their grandfather played the Yiddish songs he’d loved at
the start of his service. Not only was this a great way to inject his
personality into the service, but the family also had some extra time to
reflect and compose themselves before the eulogy.
Another great way to add some
personal elements into a loved one’s service is share the things that
meant the most to them – literally. If in the eulogy you talk about what
a great cook grandma was, give everyone a copy of her famous lemon cake
recipe after the service. This helps to add a personal element into the
service that will really help everyone reflect on the meaningful
moments in a person’s life, and it will help their legacy live on.
2. Make the loved one the star of their funeral
If the loved one was the center of the party in life, why not help them be the same at their funeral? “Extreme embalming”
is not widely available and may be too offbeat to have wide appeal, but
many families have used this unique service as a way to truly make
their loved one a part of their own funeral. For example, one flamboyant
New Orleans woman got to attend her own funeral,
having been embalmed and posed sitting at a table with a glass of beer
and cigarette, a disco ball glittering above her head while another, an
83 year-old socialite was similarly done up with a pink boa and holding a
glass of champagne. Others have been placed on a favorite rocking
chair, motorcycle and in a poker game.
3. Lay loved ones to rest in a personalized way
Was grandpa or dad an enthusiastic
handyman? Help your families really become involved in the funeral
service by having them embrace their loved one’s do-it-yourself-mindset,
and share with them this YouTube video
that teaches them how to build their own coffin. Or maybe their loved
one had another hobby that they were enthusiastic about, like music,
skateboarding, ballet or bible study. One British company called Crazy Coffins
will create a quirky final resting place that truly reflects the life
lived, whether it’s a coffin shaped like a guitar, a Bible, or even
their favorite sports car.
And just because your families may
choose to have their loved one’s cremated doesn’t mean that they can’t
personalize their final resting place. Une Belle Vie creates beautiful urns that resemble a resin handbag, which is perfect for fashionistas. Another company, Personalized Urns,
works one-on-one with families to choose colors and photos that best
represent their loved one (and even their pets), to turn an ordinary
cremation urn into a mosaic work of art that tells the story of a life
lived.
4. Create memorials for all friends and family – not just those at the funeral
Because of the fast-paced nature of
funerals, not every family member or friend has time to take off work or
arrange travel to their loved one’s funeral…. especially when family
members are spread across the country. This is why there is a great need
for services that bring outside family and friends into the funeral
service itself. Life Tributes’ webcasting software
allows you to share the private viewing of memorials happening at your
funeral with those all around the world – over the internet, in a safe
secure location. The webcast can even be uploaded to the loved one’s
tribute page on your website, alongside obituary information, messages
of support and their Life Tribute video – creating a complete and
lasting memorial page that family and friends can forever look back on.
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